Call us self-serving, but we are tired of the litany of new year’s resolutions that obsess over weight loss and habit breaking (for what it’s worth, we think a cookie-a-day is a super stand-in for a mealy apple). We make resolutions only to ignore them. No more; in honor of 2017 being a prime number (indivisible, under God), we’re taking a fresh approach—making some commitments we might actually keep (deliberately or not):
- Embrace gluten-full: Our version of GF.
- Be more awesome in 2017: However you define that.
- Leave your phone in the car: Unplugged, in the cold, so it dies and you’re free!
- Drink better [insert beverage of choice]: Coffee, beer, wine, water.
- Finish a chap-stick: Don’t lose it to your pockets.
- Befriend a teenager: Reassure them—it gets better.
- Sing karaoke at the Virginian: Solo.
- Stop lying to your book club: Own up to the 10 pages you skimmed.
- Don’t pretend people change when the year does: Same, same, not different.
- Love yourself like Kanye loves himself.
